


I dwell in Possibility (to gather Paradise)

by thegeekypoet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force-Sensitive Finn (?), I did not plan on doing this, Kylo Ren Redemption, Rose is a precious bean and deserves the galaxy, TROS re-write, but goddammit disney here we are, does not mean I won't go the dark!Rey route tho, now with a dash of space politics, or just another post-TLJ canon divergence thingy, rey palpatine? i don't know her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22454080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegeekypoet/pseuds/thegeekypoet
Summary: "You may wander through darkness, but still there is a spark inside of you, one lone flame and she carries the shadow it casts. You are here because of her, not me, so ask what you desperately want answered but are too afraid to put into words."He swallows thickly, he wants answers, does he not? "How did Snoke create the bond?"The creature huffs as if offended, "Snoke? Scarred flesh that he was, coward hiding in the shadows of greater men. He has kept you small, yes, like I was kept small but do not tell me that he succeeded in fooling you about the dyad.""The dyad?"Now it seems almost annoyed, "Yes, the dyad. Which brings me back to my question,whereis she?"At the back of my mind, under my skin, within this beating wreckage I call a heart."I don't know."or a new empire rises, a girl swears allegiance to the light and a resistance vows to protect what is left of hope. But then again war calls for desperate measures and history is keen on repeating itself.!ON HOLD FOR NOW!
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 6





	1. one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will write some one-shot fluff, I said (to myself)...  
> I won't rewrite the movie, I said...  
> I won't post another multi-chapter thing without having it planned through so I do not have to delete it again because it makes no sense, I said...  
> Well here we are, so that did not work out! :D
> 
> As mentioned I do not really have it all mapped out (yet) - there is an outline, a very vague outline (I mean I know where I want to end and what kinda is supposed to happen in the first act, but everything after that is still a bit messy) - so please have patience with me as I try to navigate this thing.  
> What I am trying to say is chapter count, tags, rating and the summary may change during the process.  
> Also I apologize for any mistakes that have escaped my eyes!  
> Alright that's enough nonsense from me.

* * *

He is dreaming again.

He is in hell again.

Fire and ash and smoke everywhere, a healing planet’s wounds are ripped open, a Jedi temple burning, a throne room aflame.

_Look what could have been._

There is heat and pain and the promise of greatness. It is a storm -

\- it is a quiet summer night on Chandrila and he is still a boy. The air is cool and sweet and whispers of a fight at the bottom of the stairs.

His parents are arguing again. He feels like a stranger in his own home. When he enters the kitchen his father’s hair is standing up in several directions from running his fingers through. His mother has an air of fury gathered around her and the shattered porcelain on the floor.

_It is alright,_ they tell him.

_Go back to bed, Ben._

He is just a boy and his fathers hand touches his cheek and -

\- he is falling into oblivion, fingers grazing the skin of now young man.

_Jedi killer_ , the voice in his head croons, _heir apparent to -_

\- _a monster_. Her eyes are blazing. With fury and fear she meets his blade in the snow of a planet turned weapon.

He is still confused, desert child strong enough to resist him.

He wants to understand.

He wants to teach.

_Look what you could be_.

There are promises of destiny on his tongue. She will not hear them until they stare at each other again, his former master -

\- scolds him. Calls him a child in a mask. _You are no Vader_ -

\- _You’re afraid_.

How is she turning the tables on him?

Who is she?

Lonely girl forged in the dunes of a starship graveyard. She is -

\- _there_. She reaches out across lightyears to tell him he is not alone. For the first time in years someone reaches out.

He sees their future, her past, all that was, will be and -

\- she is fighting by his side. Red guards, black guards, they all die the same. She is ruthless, she is unafraid, she is, for the first time, not alone. Or maybe he is not alone.

_Look what you could be._ She is -

-a survivor. She meets him across the snow and he is in awe.

His grandfathers lightsaber, his heirloom chooses her.

In the depths of his memories the boy with the name Ben Solo claims to know her.

_It is you._

But he is dead, he tells himself with clenched teeth and a gaping wound in his side, while a vision of light emerges from the dreams of a ten year old boy.

She bests him, girl that has never held a lightsaber before.

She taps into the darkness before he can even convince her to let him be her teacher.

She whispers _the force?_ like she has never heard of it. He is still left with questions.

Who are you?

His rival. His doom. He does not understand.

He is left bleeding, face cut open by the blade of his family and she takes it and leaves-

\- like everyone else.

He wakes to the General planning on shooting him. He assumes the role of his slain master and starts to build an empire. He remembers their last connection, it haunts him.

The planet of salt bleeds red, -

\- The planet is red and she is a shadow. Clad in armor, saber-staff blazing. She marches -

\- up to Snoke unafraid and he is in a pure state of panic.

He tells them that it was him, who created the bond, but still his death cannot break it. He cuts him in half for her. They fight his guards and he wants her by his side, like the Force has shown him. She tells him not to go this way.

How does she not see what could be?

She reaches for the saber -

\- it pierces the hearts of figures without faces. She is a snarling whirlwind, when she meets him, cross-guard shrieking, she smiles. Like she has waited for this, he does not understand.

There are waves crushing around them or is it starships raining from the sky? There are -

\- flowers. They meet on a field, someone is laughing far off. It is a quiet place. A shadow of something that could be home. The breeze is soft. She is dressed in white, she looks like the dreams of a younger boy slain in his sleep. There are so many plants, so much -

\- green. He wakes to green and his uncle with murder in his eyes. _See. I told you_. The voice croons. _They are afraid of you_. _Such fear_ -

-in his mothers features. She tells him that everything will be alright, they will still visit him at Luke’s academy.

_There are other children your age_ , his uncle tells him.

He does not care, filled with all the hatred a ten year old can muster.

It is sunny day when he leaves the place, he was so sure, was home. Now it is merely another building.

The sun is warm and the wind calm-

-it is a storm and she is in the centre of it all.

_Rey!,_ he screams his lungs raw.

_That is not my name_ , she tells him, darkness gathered around her, she is all he ever wanted, she is all he ever feared.

It leaves a bitter taste on his tongue.

_Look what could be-_

- _You know what is to come._

He knows the planet.

He knows that as soon as he sets foot on the now healing soil it will all come into existence, it will all fade to nothingness.

The universe is daring him. _Little boy, child in a mask, heir apparent to Lord Vader, can you play the game, we all lost?_

Their promises are clouds gathering, lightning ready to strike, thunder growling like a living beast.

It is a storm, yes. A storm of smoke and ash and fire.

He is at the centre of it.

He is in hell and the devil with all his demons whispers _come and find me_.

* * *

Rey wakes in sweat and a tangle of blankets from the flashes of a dream that was not hers. She can still feel the heat on her skin, the smoke filling her lungs, making it hard to breathe. The air in her and Rose’s quarters suddenly becomes suffocating.

She detangles her legs from the wooly quilt she took with her when she left Ahch-to.

She tells herself it is for practicalities sake, even when the weather on Ajan Kloss is warm and tropical.

She tells herself that it has nothing to do with sentiment and that it is not a source of comfort after a day of being gawked at and listening to badly concealed murmurs.

She tells herself that it does not feel like the echo of his words, that it does not whisper _you are not alone_ at nights spend staring at the bunk above her, that is empty now.

With Poe, Finn and Rose gone, there are not a lot of people left to talk to. She knows the General tries her best to make her feel at ease, although it is not the alone-time that bothers Rey, she likes the solace found solitude, that is not the problem. The problem is the gaping hole in her mind, burning like a wildfire.

She quietly opens the door to the main hallway and wanders towards the airlock of the old _CR90 Corvette_ that currently serves as generator, meeting spot and barracks for the planet bound part of the Resistance.

Poe had told her that the ship was called the _Tantive IV_ , that it belonged to the General’s adoptive family long before the Galactic Civil War started and had seen its fair share of the conflict between the Empire and the Rebellion.

Back then Rey could have cared less what kind of battle scars the ship carried, she grew up around the last remnants of a fallen empire, all she cares about are the parts, how they fit together and keep the ship running. Somedays she catches herself calculating how many rations she could get from dismantling Poe’s _X-wing_ and she always is left with the feeling that he _knows_.

Maybe that is why he does not seem to like her.

Now, hurrying down the hallway, she wishes she had never heard the tales that are whispered amongst the officers, of Vader capturing the, then still, Princess of Alderaan and slaughtering most of the crew. How they are working, eating, sleeping on the very same ship; smeared with Rebel blood.

Rey is not sure if she is walking past ghosts, if she really hears their screams echoing through the rooms, if the Force is making things audible now long lost to time or if her lack of sleep has finally concluded in hallucinating.

She has heard many stories about Vader, even back on Jakku, whispers of terror passed between the starships he may once have walked on and decelerations of something close to awe from Ex-Imperials still lingering at Niima outpost. She hears the same tales now of his grandson.

When her naked feet finally touch the cool soil, Rey lets out a sigh. The sun has not yet risen, but the nearby gas giant casts the jungle moon in an almost eerie glow.

_It all leads back to him_ , she muses and is again struck by the sensation of being haunted by a ghost.

_You come from nothing._

It should not have hurt like this. What was she expecting? That suddenly her family would show up and explain to her that greatness and adventure lay ahead?

_You’re nothing._

It should not still make her doubt herself. Words spoken months ago in a burning throne room.

„I am the last of the Jedi. I choose the light, for all it reveals.“, she is not sure who she is telling this to. The trees? Maybe she has finally snapped, that would explain the tiny part at the back of her mind recalling Master Skywalker words.

_You went straight to the dark._

The images, the dream - his dream - claw their way back from her subconsciousness. Darkness gathered around her like a protective layer.

Her skin is crawling, her mind recoiling like a frighted animal trying to find calm in the part she used to share with him.

That is also the reason why still, with all the hurt and doubt he has inflicted, she cannot summon one tiny bit of hate towards him. Not when his emotions, in this moment, had brushed hers like an undercurrent of her own thoughts. There had been no malice behind his words, she knows -

_But not to me._

\- just desperation.

_Hate,_ she reminds herself _, is not the Jedi way._

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

He made his choice and she in turn had made her peace with that, knowing that the Force was not done with him, yet.

So why does she keep wondering about the what-if’s?

„Why now?“, the trees remain silent, dark shadows illuminated by the planet dominating the sky. She feels like she knows the jungle better in darkness than daylight. Having wandered off during many sleepless nights before, because sharing a room with someone, when you lived alone all your life, is not an easy thing to get used to. There is still a part of her that turns into a state of outright shock every time she opens her eyes and does not find herself in the old _AT-AT_ where she carved out a home from nothing but metal and heat.

But now the sleeplessness has become a constant. She always wakes in the early morning, hours after she passed out from exhaustion and it feels like she only closed her eyes mere minutes ago. The dreams started ruffly a month ago and Rey is not sure how much longer she can endure them.

_At least that means the bond is not broken_ , she tells herself, falling back into old patters, learned by the child left on Jakku. Searching for the good in the tiniest things, hoping against all odds for a happy ending.

She brushes a few leaves out of the way.

He is not dead, no she would have sensed that, it feels more like something is blocking him from her, she is still aware of him, somewhere amongst constellations and hyper lines, but it is not like before, when he seemed like another part of her. Not like the day she shipped herself to him, hoping against all odds that he would understand his mistakes and join her. Instead she left with an offer of the galaxy in the back of her mind and nothing but regret in her heart.

Maybe that was her chance at a happy ending, she ponders, climbing one of the trees the porgs have claimed.

She had wanted to take his hand in that moment. Everything she had ever wished for in his palm; Belonging, a place, and -

\- power.

She had been scared. Scared by his resolve. Scared by the future that dangled in front of her held by one single treat, cut so easily; she just had to reach out.

She was scared of herself

Herself wanting _more_.

That is why the dreams do not just feel like she is watching a stranger wear her face. She recognizes the hunger in her eyes because she had felt it. She not just wields her lightsaber with the desperation of a survivor -

No, she is enjoying it.

One of the porgs lets out a chirp, settling beside her. „Mady?“, Rey guesses. Rose has named them all and can tell each and every one apart but Rey keeps mixing them up. Especially this one and according to the huff-like sound emitting from the creature she has guessed wrong once again. „Oh I am sorry Erci“, she scratches the porg's head and it croons happily, maybe it even forgives her for not bringing treats.

Somedays when she stays on the _Falcon_ and sleeps in the bunk of the main hold, they show up sooner rather than later chirping and squeaking, begging for some snacks. Rose has spoiled them too much and now Poe has decided that they should keep the birds on a strict diet, which the former continues to wholeheartedly ignore. Rey really tried to not feed them, but when they wake her and look at her with huge, brown eyes, begging, she always finds herself tossing them something eatable. It is just because she wants to sleep, _obviously_ , not because they are cute or anything.

There is still a whole debate going on at the base and it feels like she is the last one remaining unswayed by these little creatures.

They really are not _that_ cute.

_Really not._

But they make for nice company, when the first hues of pink spread across the horizon.

Rey lets out a sigh.

She misses the _Falcon_. It seems like her only retreating area these days. There is of course her little reading nook in the corner of the cave, but Han’s old freighter is the only place where she does not have to be somebody else.

Where she does not have to be _the_ _Jedi_ and can be just Rey, vanishing into the engine room, tinkering away mostly alone and sometimes with Rose helping her.

Finn has been banned from going anywhere near the mechanics of the ship after one incident a few weeks ago. Rose reassured him that he has not caused much damage, but Rey held almost an hour lecture about why one cannot just simply _remove_ the _Quadex power core_ and live to tell the tale.

And Poe, well flyboy that he is, cares very little about the well-being of the _Falcon_ as long as he does not need it for another mission.

Rey hopes he brings it back in one piece.

Because in the last weeks the glances and whispers of Resistance fighters passing her reading nook had grown louder and more aggressive.

_She trained with Luke Skywalker before Crait, so why does she sit around reading all day?_

_Heard she is enemy number one of the New Empire, First Orders says she killed the old Supreme Leader._

_They are still searching for her, I have seen the bounty._

_Maybe we should just give her to them, anonymous you know, collect the bounty and buy more ships._

_Just puts a target on our heads._

_Who is she even?_

_Apparently their new Supreme Leader is after her personally._

_I had a run in with this Knights of his, nasty fellows I tell you._

_Where for kriffs sake did she come from?_

She forces herself to stare at the old Jedi texts then, letting her eyes run again over the _Chronicles of Brus-bu_ and the cryptic runes it was written in. Even Threepio could not decipher them completely, she only knows that they tell how to mend a damaged kyber crystal. The answer to the still disassembled mess that is the Skywalker saber right in front of her, but also out of reach.

She could not face the Knights of Ren or their master even if she wanted to.

She had thought about building her own saber, had read about the ritualistic quest the youngling took to search for their crystal on Ilum. But when she ran up to Leia, all exited about what she had found, only a sad smile appeared on the Generals face. _Ilum is no more_ , she said voice grave. Rey had been confused and asked her if it had been destroyed by the First Order.

That was how Rey learned about the planet that was turned into _Starkiller base_. Resting place of Han Solo, obliterated to pieces, floating in the vacuum of space. She has never asked about it again

Then she tried building a saber with the crystal she still had, or rather its two parts, but the cracked nature of it, made it difficult to stabilize the blade.

And with her thoughts straying again to him (because his damned blade is unstable and still somehow works) she abandoned the project.

Erci nudges her hand, that had stilled sometime during the last minutes, chirping as if to tell her to continue scratching her feathers.

Rey lets out a chuckle, she really should enjoy the rest of her alone-time. They will return today, Poe with new intel about the enemy and a scowl on his face when he spots her, Finn with an apologetic smile and Rose with new parts of metal for the lightsaber she is not even sure she will ever build.

But the dream keeps resurfacing; a storm of ash and fire and both of them a whirlwind of darkness.

Whatever he was doing, it seems like he decided that destiny has kept him waiting long enough. She thinks she knows its call as well, full of promise and greatness, or maybe she really is turning insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from this [poem](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/52197/i-dwell-in-possibility-466) (did I go a bit too meta with that? *shrugs*)  
>    
> more or less interesting things and lore:  
> \- I used [Ajan Kloss](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Ajan_Kloss) and the [Tantive IV](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Tantive_IV) similarly to how they were utilized in TROS  
> \- "I choose the light, for all it reveals" is a (slightly altered) passage from the [sacred Jedi texts](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sacred_Jedi_texts) Rey so conveniently borrowed  
> \- "There is no emotion, there is peace." & "there is no passion, there is serenity." are lines from the [Jedi Code](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Jedi_Code)  
> \- Rey pondering about making peace with Ben having made his decision and the Force not being done with him yet, is my mediocre attempt at a reference to the Last Jedi novelization  
> \- [Mady](http://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Mady) as well as [Erci](http://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Erci) are two of the porgs that made it onto the Falcon and were named by Rose (which is my new favorite thing in canon) and Rey asks a porg whether it is Mady or Erci in Resistance Reborn (also is it just me or do they have actually cooler names than the Knights of Ren?)  
> \- Rey thinking the porgs are "not that cute", is in reference to Daisy Ridley not being on board with the hype surrounding these little fellas during the TLJ era  
> \- A [Quadex power core](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Quadex_power_core) is a thing...  
> \- [Kriff](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kriff) is basically the Star Wars equivalent for fuck and I think that is hilarious  
> \- the [Chronicles of Brus-bu](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Chronicles_of_Brus-bu) are part of the Jedi texts (and the title really makes it not sound like a page turner)  
> \- [Ilum](http://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Ilum) was indeed the place where a youngling would go to get a kyber crystal for their first lightsaber


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We check in with the other Resistance peeps and take a trip to Mustafar to see how Ben can simultaneously be a nerd and in possession of only one single braincell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I corrected a few typos in chapter one and changed a thing (Rey now scratches the prog _not_ behind its ears but its head... because porgs have no ears... listen exam season was not nice, ok? xD).  
> The outline is also finally finished (things have escalated a bit, so we are at 25 chapters instead of the originally estimated 15), which means I hope the next chapter will be sooner on the way than this one.  
> As always disclaimer: there might be typos/mistakes/etc. that were overlooked

* * *

This is insanity. And having fled the First Order more than once, Rose thinks she knows a thing or two about improvised and risky escapes.

"What are you doing Dameron?" she all but snarls, gripping the edge of her seat like a lifeline, while Poe coaxes the _Falcon_ into a 180 degree turn and forces the last two Tie fighters following them to crash into a wall of solid ice.

"What does it look like? Saving our asses," is the grunted response as he shifts into a maneuver that would have worked elegantly with an _X-Wing_ but forces the _Falcon_ to groan in protest.

"More like obliterating us to pieces," Rose grumbles still gripping her seat and hoping the rest of their crew in the mainhold has also something to cling to.

"If you keep talking, Tico, I might just-" Poe pauses as they finally leave the maze that is the Sinta Glacier Colony behind them and drift towards the vast, dark emptiness of space -

"You've got to be kidding me."

\- as well as half a dozen _Star Destroyers._

"Seems like you don't even have to do the obliterating part," Finn chimes in from the backseat, relieved that his breakfast is still where it is supposed to be.

"Not helping, buddy," Poe answers over his shoulder, now franticly flipping switches and preparing the jump to hyperspace. "Get in the co-pilot seat, I need you to do exactly what I say, when I say it, okay?"

Finn leaves his seat for the one in front of him. The one where somebody else should sit. He tries not to be mad at Rey, for distancing herself from the fight after her master died, but it has been months and the war is still not really turning in their favor. Not a single word has left her mouth about her time on Ahch-to. She has been acting strangely ever since she came back, there is something off about her but he cannot quite put a finger on it.

"What about their tracking tech?" Rose asks, leaning forward in her seat. The last thing they need now is the First Order showing up at their base. Not now, when they finally started to gather allies again. Which had been a weary process, since most of the Core and Inner Rim worlds were under strict First Order rule, sending out representatives to form what is now called the New Empire. With the wealthier worlds firmly supporting their enemy, the Resistance hoped to gather allies in the Outer Rim, the Western Regions, wherever the oppressed found a place to call home. But with new laws, restricting slavery and child labour, their favors had turned, too.

"Already on it," Poe mutters now stirring the ship into a position from which they could make the jump to lightspeed.

"What do you mean, already on it, following D'Qar we don't know how they-"

"Finn now," he simply interrupts her.

The ship surges forwards and vanishes into the blue of hyperspace, just to exit mere seconds later amidst the mists of a nebula and then jump back onto a different hyperlane. It slowly dawns on Rose what Poe meant with already on it.

That dammed son of a -

Sirens start blaring, the next time they are back in real space, now amongst the outer corner of a massive asteroid field, to again vanish a few seconds later.

"Poe, when I said obliterating us to pieces I did not mean that as a _challenge_.", she presses out between clenched teeth. "You're going to rip the ship apart."

Poe, extremely pissed, just snaps at her "I am making sure they don't show up with a surprise party at our doorstep."

"I am sure, we could just lay low on another planet until it is safe, no need for lightspeed skipping," if anything they had time on their side, sooner or later the First Order would slip up and then their moment would come.

"FIRE!" somebody from the main hold yells.

" _Great_ ," Rose jumps to her feet. "Rey will so defiantly kill you," she tells Poe before leaving the cockpit.

"Well she isn't here, is she?"

Rose whips around and glares at him. Poe takes a deep breath, "Listen, the intel Boolio gave us is vital, we need to get back to the base as quickly as possible or we won't be able to do anything with it. It might just be our chance to finally make an impact and I will not have you question me about the decisions I am making as the leader of this mission."

She really should just go, they do not need another fight, but something inside her, something that has not healed since her sister died, rips open, "Oh don't get all high and mighty with me just because Leia wanted to make you a Colonel-"

"Rose!" Finn shoots her a warning look but she wholeheartedly ignores him, turns around and leaves the two of them to make sure there is still a ship to carry them home.

 _Home_ , she wonders if she can even call this place her home. The last remnants of her home died over D'Qar. She takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself. She should not make Poe responsible for things that are the First Order's fault, she knows that, deep down she knows that but the last few months have not been kind.

Finn had been oddly distant after she woke up from her injuries acquired on Crait, which made sense considering she had kissed him out of the blue, before losing conciseness. But even after they talked about it and she had a few weeks to sort her feelings out, he was still acting odd. She told herself that it really was none of her business and that she had more important things to look after. Meetings had to be held, recruitment missions had to be planned and if pondering over First Order tech had not proven to be enough of a distracting, there was still Rey.

Rose does not know what exactly she had expected a Jedi to be. They were rather a part of bed time stories to her than living people but Rey seemed to be nothing like them. Where Rose had heard of a monk like order, Rey rather vanished into the Falcon's engine room in a mechanic suit (nobody wanted to ask where she got it from). Rose had expected _somebody_. Not a girl like her. Not someone that directly told Poe off or yelled at Finn for risking his life while trying to repair the same ship now almost torn apart at its seams.

Rose curses and rolls up the sleeves of her overall.

Rey was not the Jedi she expected but she was the person she needed when it all became too much and the grief over her sisters death threatened to overtake any other emotion. But she also did not make things easier. Arguing with Poe at every chance there was, leaving BB-8 confused and sad (and sometimes Finn as well). Rose knows better than letting herself be pulled on one or the other side of the debate and they mostly kept to themselves when they could.

But in the last few weeks, Poe had grown more impatient, telling Rey that she should be out in the field, fighting with them, not staying back on their backwater base studying some old dusty texts. Rose understood his point, she really did, but she also noticed Rey's desperation.

Rose may not know a lot about a mythical energy field that apparently holds everything together, but she knows all about kindness. So for every time Poe yelled at Rey after returning from a mission, she brought a small piece of metal or machinery back. They found common ground in that. Ship parts left by most to be considered scrap. That and complaining about Poe, occasionally.

Now standing in the engine room trying desperately to redirect some pressure to the back-up-hyperdrive, she can imagine Rey cursing Poe's recklessness.

They are a truly weird group of people, she muses, thrown together by coincidence or maybe fate,varying opinions patched together into something, not quite resembling family but still being close enough to one. War makes for uncanny companions that much is certain.

What Rose is not so sure about, is how they make it back to to Ajan Kloss in one piece, but when they finally exit hyperspace for the last time, she has engine oil all over her suit and the ship is still half aflame.

* * *

He stares at the holocron floating in front of him. This is not what he had expected.

_"Some say the Rakata build something far grander. Aiding in the rise of Empires now long forgotten. Something to forge fleets from sheer nothingness. But if you search for the Lehon system, the archives will come up empty. No one really knows what is legend and what is history anymore. The council does not seem to care to detangle the mess that was given to us and forbids all further research into the matter, since the Sith Lord known as Darth Bane has..."_

The voice of Ilia Orpin, Jedi master now long dead, drowns on but Kylo Ren is only half listening. He thought he would finally find answers here but all that is left is a Jedi Holocron.

Oh, how the universe must hate him.

His hair is still plastered to his neck and the blood of the slaughtered Sith cultists still stains his clothes. He can still feel their pain, their despair. The sound of their dead bodies hitting the ground echos in his bones. It always has.

His father's palm graces his masked cheek, his uncle's eyes bore into his, no madness in them just regret. He is not the man who contemplated murdering him the night the Jedi Temple went up in flames and his father is not leaving, but walking towards him. Face full of concern and compassion -

\- She reaches out across star systems, slowly, carefully, leaving every option open for him, like approaching a wounded animal.

She is there in the back of his mind, the absence of her thoughts clinging to him like his shadow.

He stares out of the viewport. Mustafar's healing surface stretching out below, while his insides feel more raw than ever, turmoil roaring through his mind like a storm. But the surface is almost calm.

_This is not it._

He understands now. Whatever the dream was showing him, this was not it.

_There has to be another one. Another holocron. There have to be some answers._

His grandfather's castle stretches far deeper into the ground than above it.

_This is not it._

But then again he also thought she would be here with him.

And with that his thoughts return to her. Of course they do. He carries her with him, as he still carries his slain master's teachings, it borders on pathetic.

When he reforged the helmet enhancing it with Sarrassian iron, he made sure there would be no voices returning to his mind, but it seems like he cannot shake her, even with their connection blocked through the mask. She is still there whispering the name of a boy, slain in his sleep.

_Ben._

"Kylo?"

He turns back to the holocron, as Vicrul Ren enters the chamber. "The cultists are still not retreating, should we request further back-up?"

Further backup would mean more questions from Hux and more questions from the council and after his persistence with slavery-restriction laws, that is something he cannot afford.

"No, there is only one more thing we have to do before we leave."

Vicrul’s voice is collected, careful, testing the ground, "No offense meant, but do you really think the oracle can give you answers when everything in this castle could not?"

Kylo lets out a breath and faces the Knight of Ren, "We will see. Call the rest."

\---

This moon is a strange one, pulled between two Gas Giants, neither belonging to the one nor the other. Almost reeking of darkness, but beneath layers and layers of healing soil there is a spark of light, not willing to be extinguished. Tiny, yes, but fierce, patient. But nothing is stranger than the creature now in front of him. Spider-like perched atop of what seems to be the head of another (more or less) living being, swallowed by the lake on which's shore he is currently standing, flanked by Vicrul and Cardo, both silent shadows behind him.

Its voice is raspy as if it had not been used for millennia, "The locals tell legends, about a bright star and a lady that trapped her lover in the in-between because she could not let him die. Love has always let to misery here. Your own family tells the tale. Padmé Amidala may not have died here, but her fate was sealed as soon as her ship touched down on this moon. So much tragedy. Now, boy, are you here because of love or misery?"

"I am here for answers," his growl borders on inhuman. He has no time for monologuing creatures that fashion themselves as all-knowing.

"Ah," it crooks its head and smiles, "both it is."

"I have questions," he states, schooling his voice into something resembling calm and collectiveness.

"I bet you have, but you won't even look me in the eye for it," the creature retorts, still smiling.

He has not taken the helmet off in months, except for sleeping and eating. What if their bond connects them, right here and now?

"Don't tell me you are afraid of the girl?" huffs the creature almost laughing.

The airlock hisses when he triggers the mechanism to remove the mask. He feels ghosts of the past probing at his mental shields and then there she is or rather her emotions are.

Impatience and frustration. He knows if he concentrates on it, shuts everything else out it could bring her here -

\- but he has no time for that. He stares the creature down, "Now will you give me the answers I search for?"

"Not the ones you search for, but the ones you need," it merely replies studying his face. Then something shifts, darkness gathers around the creature, its voice changes, becomes smoother, almost gentle, "Where is she?"

Kylo raises an eyebrow and decides to play it dumb, "Who?"

„The girl," where the creature seemed calm before, there was now annoyance burning in its glance, "Bright one, that walks with the light but carries darkness within, so much potential. Reminds me of my sister at her best and of myself at her worst or maybe it is the other way around.“

He narrows his eyes and the creature copies the gesture, its eyes now flaring red, "What are you?"

Again the creature laughs but it is different now. Hollow, cold. "Your grandfather asked me the same thing. I told him I was his fate. Am I yours too?"

Kylo takes a step back like something burned him, "This is not your true form."

"And this is not yours.“

He clenches his teeth trying to keep the anger from boiling over, " _What_ are you?"

"Empires rose because of me, Democracies fell because of me. I am chaos, I am darkness, I am the whisper behind every great Sith."

„The last person to pry my mind open and plant whispers there paid dearly for it,“ sliced in half by the heirloom of his family, she took it. Instead of his hand she chose the weapon that has forsaken him.

„Ah but you are no Sith, are you? You may wander through darkness, but still there is a spark inside of you, one lone flame and she carries the shadow it casts. You are here because of her, not me, so ask what you desperately want answered but are to afraid to put into words.“

He swallows thickly, he wants answers, does he not? "How did Snoke create the bond?"

The creature huffs as if offended, " _Snoke_? Scarred flesh that he was, coward hiding in the shadows of greater men. He has kept you small, yes, like I was kept small but do not tell me that he succeeded in fooling you about the dyad."

"The dyad?"

Now it seems almost annoyed, "Yes, the dyad. Which brings me back to my question _where_ is she?"

_At the back of my mind, under my skin, within this beating wreckage I call a heart._

"I don't know." 

It laughs now, fully, "Oh wayward son with blood on his hands, don't tell me lies and expect the truth from me."

"You still have not told me what you are."

"Does it matter? I reside at a place that transcends time and space. I am a son as I am a brother, some might even call me a god. I have lived a thousand lives, I have died a thousand deaths. I have killed and was killed. We have that in common I see." It pauses then, "Do not be so foolish and assume that you can hide behind that mask forever, your fate was woven into hers long before you grandfather was born and long after you die. Unseen for generations, but to me it feels like yesterday. And history repeats itself."

"Revan," he murmurs, remembering a name found somewhere between old texts in hut that he tore down on his uncles head. He remembers the tales of the Fanged God, too, although he believed them to be merely that: tales.

"Also hid behind that idiot mask of his, I see it is true what the creature said before I inhabited its body, you are here out of love and misery. I wonder if she knows."

He clenches his teeth, legends about an immortal force wielders be damned, "Do not-"

"What? You mortals are truly adorable, lying to yourself and denying what is obvious," it pauses seemingly studying his face before continuing, "Until we meet again, your answers lie in the wreckage of a planetkiller, I believe you know the Endor system?" and with that the red eyes vanish and the creature sinks back into the lake.

And then he feels it.

A wildfire exploding from a single spark at the back of his mind, he scrambles for the helmet but it is too late, the sounds around him drowning out, his surroundings blurring at the edges and within one sharp intake of air, less than a second, she is there.

Right in front of him, hazel eyes huge as they meet his. She wants to say something, he feels it, but the words are stuck in her throat unable to escape, so she just stares at him and he stares right back. Everything has changed and yet she still looks the same.

Maybe that is why he is so taken aback, he expected hate, disappointment, fear.

And then she whispers his name soft like a summer breeze.

„Ben.“

It is enough to rip his soul in two, it is enough for him to snap out of his daze and slam the helmet back on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more or less interesting things and lore (or the author nerds out about star wars things after spending way to much time on wookieepedia):
> 
> \- the [Sinta Glacier](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sinta_Glacier) (aka the floating block of ice from TROS) and [Boolio](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Boolio) are both pulled from canon
> 
> \- the [Millennium Falcon](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Millennium_Falcon) has indeed a back-up hyper drive ... just thought I let you know
> 
> \- [Holocrons](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Holocron)
> 
> \- [Ilia Orpin](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Ilia_Orpin) was an actual (fictional) person
> 
> \- I won't link anything about the Rakata or the Lehon System (bc specific spoilers) but here you can read some things about [Bane](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Darth_Bane) and [Revan](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Revan)
> 
> \- the [Sith cultists](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Alazmec_of_Winsit) mentioned are also pulled from canon
> 
> \- [Mustafar](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Mustafar)
> 
> \- [Vaders castle](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Fortress_Vader)
> 
> \- [Sarrassian iron](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sarrassian_iron) (aka Sith glue) was used to reforge Kylo Ren's helmet (which I brought back because I needed a reason why the bond has not connected our two space idiots earlier)
> 
> \- the [council](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Supreme_Council) is based on its canon counterpart although it might get a bit more screentime... because Space politics
> 
> \- the [Knights of Ren](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Knights_of_Ren) will differ from their canon counterparts in basically everything but their names
> 
> \- the spider-like thing aka the oracle was a part of some leaks (as far as I remember) and could also be found in some leaked concept art (which you can see [here](https://www.scified.com/news/the-oracle-leaked-star-wars-rise-skywalker-concept-art-unveils-strange-unused-alien-creature))
> 
> \- the mentions of the [Bright Star](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Bright_Star) and a certain [lady](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Corvax) is my attempt at a reference to Vader Immortal
> 
> \- did I just write the [the son](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Son) from the mortis arc into this fic...? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> \- and last but not least a [dyad](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Dyad_in_the_Force)


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this installment:  
> Luke decides to visit from the afterlife (let's pretend that despite his TROS appearance, he still carries on the Skywalker tradition of flawless hair), ... someone is finally building a certain tool that might be useful in the future, Rose being tired ™, Poe pitches a plan and Hux, of course, is scheming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot second, I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during this weird time.  
> (As always disclaimer for typos and the like.)

* * *

Rey stares at the empty space in front of her, the ghost of his name still on her lips.

She should have yelled at him, asked him what he thinks he is doing, why he blamed her for Snoke's death, she should have said something.

_Anything_.

The broken connection stings like a fresh cut, it throbs like a broken bone, it knocks the air out of Rey’s lungs. She lets out a shaky breath and then nearly falls off the chair when there is another person standing in her reading nook.

"So that’s why I cannot reach him," Luke Skywalker ponders, casting a blue glow onto the Jedi Texts spread around her.

"What do you mean by that?" Rey asks.

"Sarrassian iron. It can function as a kind of barrier or rather shields one’s mind from another force user." Lukes gaze wanders over the page she has already studied a hundred times with no success, "Don’t tell me you are still hung up on the idea of repairing the saber?"

She lets out a huff, the last thing she needs right now is him chiding her from beyond the grave, when he might as well tell her how she can fix it.

Luke sits down next to her, "Rey, let the past rest. Learn from it, move forward," he looks at her staff discarded on the floor and smiles, "and occasionally draw inspiration from it."

She stares at the weapon of her childhood, carried through dunes and starships, the only protection for the scrawny child she had been. At least it was easier back then. At least it was clear who to hit over the head, who to kick, who to punch.

She sighs, "I don’t know if I can do it," what she means is, _I don’t know if I can kill him._

"Things are shifting," Luke sounds very tired, "Something is out there. Something dark."

She does not need him to tell her that, she feels it in her dreams. Shadows cradling her cheek like the palm of a lost mother. She thought Snoke was the problem, how wrong she had been. "Darkness always returns," Rey says.

"That does not mean we should stop fighting it," Luke counters. 

"It is not that easy-", she wants to protest but stops herself, remembers Luke busting into her hut on Ahch-to; furious. She knows what he did on Crait but still there is some petty part of herself that thinks, _why would he understand?_

"It never is," her old master rises and glances at the scrap parts Rose had brought her, "And Rey," he smiles again, "Remember the crystal is a living being, not another part of machinery. Don’t keep something apart that was once one."

As he vanishes Rey is filled with an anger she does not really understand. She has tried to ignore the blatant possibility with good reason.

_She is a figure of darkness; saber staff blazing blood-red, like the planet she finds herself on._

She maybe can let the past rest, but the future is an entirely different thing.

* * *

Poe is all manic energy, "They tried to keep it under wraps but shipyard workers are fed up. While the New Empire is playing hero in the outer corners of the galaxy, they put enormous pressure on the ship-manufacturers to expand their fleet."

"It is not just that, the troops are also rallying against their admirals and commanders," Finn adds, maybe even more exited than Poe and Rose has to keep herself from rolling her eyes at the fact that, apparently, she has to be the voice of reason now.

"Especially Kuat has seen a fair share of mutinies," Finn looks at Poe across the room and grins at him.

"You think it might be our chance to finally send a signal,“ Leia's voice is laced through with doubt, as the General looks at the the star-map now showing the Kuat sector.

"I think there are still people out there, who will not tolerate what the First Order is doing. There are still people with _hope_ ," Poe’s smile is so wide and giddy, that Rose has to remind herself to still be mad at him, "We have been inactive for months, recovering, quietly recruiting but until now there have been no larger groups turning against them. And I know you don’t like plans that involve blowing something up, General, but if we could pull something akin to Operation Ringbreaker, it would be an event they can’t push under the rug so easily. The galaxy has to know that there are worlds where the First Order is despised."

"Ringbreaker was never fully conducted," Leia reminds him, still skeptical. There have been too many losses over the last year to just start a mission on the intel of one spy.

"Well we would not plan it on this big of a scale, we don’t need to completely disable First Order ship production, we just make it a bit more difficult for them to continue," Poe persists, he has seen his chance, their chance and he won’t give it up quite so easily, Rose settles deeper into her chair, this might take some time.

Leia shoots him one long glance, "There will still be Destroyers all over."

"If not Dreadnaughts," Rose reminds them, time to knock some sense back into all this erratic planning.

Poe shoots her a look that could only be interpreted as pure malice, "Haven't you been working on new cloaking devises?"

Rose sighs deeply, "Yes, but there would still be the matter of escaping after…" she pauses, narrowing her eyes, " _Whatever_ you want to blow up, blows up. Plus the way we will get there, the Core Worlds are not really known for loose interplanetary travel these days."

"A very small strike team then, that fits on one transport,“ Poe shrugs and Leia raises an eyebrow at him, "We could try to recruit some rebelling groups around the shipyards."

"Which still leaves us with the problem of leaving afterwards," Rose reminds him.

"What if we somehow get the crew of the responsible Destroyer to turn the other way?" Finn pipes up.

The General turns towards him, "Somehow turn the other way?"

"A few people could disable their scanning devices?" it sounds more like a question, than an answer.

Rose eyes widen, of course blocking their scanners…, "If we ignore the fact that it would be an absolute suicide mission and we have absolutely no way of getting them of the destroyer, that might make it work."

"Too bad we do not have someone, who could mind trick a bunch of guards and sneak around a Star Destroyer with no problem," Poe’s voice is drenched in sarcasm, Rose knows what is coming next and she has wondered about the same thing. Rey may not join them on their missions but she is always there for the debriefing afterwards. Finn shoots Poe a warning glance, but that does not stop him from asking the question that also burns in Rose’s throat, "Where is our Jedi in training, by the way?"

* * *

The sun has taken half of its path across the sky, when she finally is able to hear it, to _listen_.

The crystal hums.

It tells a tale of peace and war.

_You were my brother._

Wielded by a hero and then his son.

_A good friend._

It tells of a family broken apart and thrown back together by circumstance and rebellion.

_You are going down a path I can’t follow_

Lost in a city among the clouds and resting in a castle among trees.

_No that’s not true._

One of the last of its kind, rather a piece of legend than carried in battle.

_(I want you to join me.)_

Rey reaches out and the metal begins to wrap around the two pieces of kyber floating in front of her.

_They will be back, one day._

Forging a new home for pieces, orphaned as herself;

_They’re never coming back._

Creating a constellation of its own, she can see it even with her eyes closed.

_But there is someone who still could._

She feels the light shining through the leaves breaking itself in the crystal and reflecting back onto her face.

_The light, it’s always been there._

Casting her surroundings in colors she could not even imagine.

_I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole galaxy._

The pieces click into place as if they had always been meant to be arranged in this way.

_An elegant weapon for a more civilized age._

She carefully opens her eyes and feels something close to awe when she reaches out to wrap her fingers around the lightsaber and it finally feels right, it finally feels as balanced as only a weapon could be, that one has been fighting with for years.

_This weapon is your life._

It finally feels liker her own.

* * *

Finn pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering, "Why does it always come back to that?“

To say he is surprised when it is Rose that speaks up, would be the understatement of the century, "He has a point, we need someone who knows the layout as well as how to deactivate the scanners and can sneak in there easily."

As it seems Poe cannot believe his ears either, "Did you just…?"

Rose shoots him lopsided smirk, "Don’t let it get to your head Dameron."

He grins, "Wouldn’t dream of it Tico."

"So I guess we should assemble the admirals, turn this into a genuine plan?“ Leia interrupts their squabble and earns an enthusiastic nod from Poe. She adds, while rising from her chair, "Someone should get Rey then."

There is a quiver in Finn’s conciseness, he cannot explain it, but smirks as he hears her yelling.

" _DAMERON_!"

Poe lets out a huff, "Here we go."

Leia smirks as she leaves and mere seconds later Rey storms into the meeting room like a thunderstorm. "Will you tell me why exactly the Falcon is on _FIRE_?"

"Actually it isn’t really on fire, not anymore-"

"That is not the kriffing point! What did you do to Han’s ship?"

Poe mumbles something incomprehensible.

" _Lightspeedskipping_?!"

"Rey, I wanted to talk him out of it, but-" Rose tries to be diplomatic but it seems too late for such efforts.

"You know damn well that the Hyperdrive was heavily modified, you could have ended up in three different systems."

"Aw that makes it almost sound like you care more for us than this heap of junk," Poe clutches is chest in a mocking gesture, „but wait, yes, you weren’t even there to help us."

"Not this again," Rose mutters.

"That does not mean that it permits you to set the kriffing ship on fire."

"It got a few scratches so what? At least now we know how to deliver a blow against the First Order, something you did not contribute a whole lot over the last months."

Finn is not sure if he feels it or sees it, but something in Rey _snaps_ , something ugly, something feral, her hands fly to her belt and Finns eyes widen in astonishment. "Is that a lightsaber?" he blurts out before the situation can escalate further.

Rey stops herself, takes a deep breath and this feeling of dread vanishes. She nods and Finn cannot help but stare at the weapon on her belt, no longer resembling the lightsaber she once wielded.

_He_ once wielded, in the ruins of a castle, in a snowy forest.

He remembers the hum of something inside the blade, he never had the particular urge to touch it afterwards.

"It is um… different?" Rose offers and Rey snorts the ghost of a smile chasing across her face, before she almost whispers, "It’s a staff."

Poe raises an eyebrow and Finn prays to whatever entity, which might interfere, that he will not make a rude remark, but his voice is softer, "That is why you weren’t here when we landed."

Rey nods, jaw still clenched, but Rose quickly demands her attention again, "Can I take a closer look?"

Rey unhooks it from her belt and cradles the saber in both her hands, as Rose bends down and studies the weapon intently, commenting on certain metal pieces Rey used. They are soon lost in what Finn has dubbed _mechanic talk_ and he looks at Poe gesturing towards the door with his head. He holds up a finger, "So does that mean you will finally join us for a mission?"

Rey looks up and Finn holds his breath, the smile she held from talking to Rose falls but when she looks Poe in the eye there is no intention for another fight in her stare, "Yes."

He exhales, but it sounds more like a relieved sigh as Rose grins, "Great, you have no idea how boring it is with these two."

* * *

Hux seems to be bored out of his mind, as General Pryde drowns on about using old Empire support to further their fleet and Kylo, for the first time, cannot really blame him, the void of stars beyond the view port appears a lot more interesting than an old Imperial’s neck breaking plans.

After he, Vicrul and Cardo had returned to the Steadfast, currently hovering somewhere between the Corellian Run and the Rimma Trade Route, he dispatched all of his knights to gather further information about the Lehon system. Hux scoffed at the thought of chasing phantoms but no words of complain left his lips, he knows better than that. Knows that the words will die on his lips and he will choke on their syllables or invisible fingers wrapping around his throat. But Kylo, too, knows better than to underestimate the General, better than to take his silence for granted, he pays dearly for it.

Every decision he makes, stronger anti-slave laws, ignoring the Resistance, ignoring the fact that he proclaimed her Snoke’s killer to then let her roam the galaxy uncharged, they all give Hux more fuel.

Meanwhile Pryde ponders on, "The Corellians are especially…"

He has to suppress a snort, all that comes from Corellia are wanna-be pilots and lost dreams.

_And my father._

He forces his thoughts to different matters. On their journey back to the Steadfast he had combed through everything he could find regarding Revan, Bane and what exactly a dyad is. But if anything the Jedi recountings were vague and the Sith ones sparse, not caring about the connection an individual of their order had to others, calling it sentiment and lost time.

One thing repeated itself through everything he could find, though.

_Two that are one._

_One broken in two._

_Binary soul._

"Now to the matter of Kuat and the other shipyards." Hux’s voice tears him out of his thoughts.

Kuat, the General’s current pet project, this should be interesting.

"I wish to dispose of most working units and military," the council erupts in a fit of heated discussion, behind his mask, he narrows his eyes, what exactly is he planning?

His voice in contrast is a bored, mechanic drawl, "Silence."

The room falls quiet nonetheless, he turns to Hux, "And that is why? If I might ask, _General_."

Hux shoots him a glance, once proud at his title he is now only one of many. Kylo might not be able to erase him completely but he will be damned if he would not at least try to render him insignificant.

Hux gestures to one of the junior officers flanking the door, which opens to reveal a masked figure. Kylo cannot help but crook his neck, he must be getting desperate when he decided now was the time to hire bounty hunters. That or the pieces of whatever he has been planning for the last months are slowly clicking into place.

The mask figure throws the bag, they were carrying onto the table. The head of an Ovissian male spills out of it and the council erupts in a collective gasp.

Behind his mask Kylo cannot help but roll his eyes, all of them are commanding legions and legions of troops without ever having seen a battle for what it truly is. A whirlwind of death and blood and pain.

"Words of mutinies and worker dissatisfaction have reached the Resistance," Hux says into the round, wearing a smug smile.

So this is where this was leading, his weakest point, his the least justified point. Still he cannot help but quip, "Mutinies? I though FN-2187 was your only _incident_."

And he could slap himself as soon as the worlds have left his mouth, because Hux is still smiling, as if he had anticipated this response, "It it is not the training that makes things complicated but the _propaganda_ spread by our enemies, that you decided to let roam freely around the galaxy."

"The _Resistance_ , if you still want to call it that, is nothing more than a pathetic lump of Republic sympathizers hiding in the corners of the Outer Rim," General Quinn counters, eyebrows almost raised to his hairline, "And as far as I understand nobody has been able to fully control the Outer Rim."

Hux’s voice is cool as he corrects, “A pathetic _terrorist_ lump of Republic sympathizers," before turning directly to Quinn staring him down, "With your lack of ambition I wonder how you even made it this far-"

"So you say we should start chasing a _phantom_ ,“ Kylo cuts him short, throwing the same phrase back at him, he listened to when he first began to search for old relics. He looks around, most of the council seems to agree with Hux and Quinn had never been the most competent advisor, even with commanding an enormous chunk of ships hidden in the Unknown Regions. Or maybe because of that, he had vanished as a junior officer when the old Empire had fallen, and had since then not really seen any worth in keeping up with intergalactic politics.

"Chasing a _threat_ ,“ Hux grinds his teeth before adding, „Your _Imperial Highness_ ," oh how he hates that title, "It is obvious that within the next few days there will be an attack on Kuat, and I merely propose that we extract our workers now and double down on security.“

Before Kylo can answer to the sudden shift in Hux arguing, his sudden interest for the safety of the people, his comm beeps. The message from Ushar and Vicrul is simple:

_We found something._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more or less interesting things and lore:
> 
> \- [Kuat](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kuat) was a part of the Trewarrow script
> 
> \- [Operation Ringbreaker](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Operation_Ringbreaker)
> 
> \- the [Steadfast](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Steadfast_\(Resurgent-class\)) is a Stardestroyer (who would have thought? xD) and the ship we find the First Order on in the beginning/middle of TROS
> 
> \- [Corellia](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Corellia), the [Corellian Run](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Corellian_Run) and the [Rimma Trade Route](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Rimma_Trade_Route)
> 
> _plus if you want to chat about the novelisation, cry about the_ the Rise of Kylo Ren _comics or just yell about everyone's favourit one braincell charing dyad fell free to say hi on_[Tumblr](https://thegeekypoet.tumblr.com)!  
> (Please I need more blogs to follow :D)


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this much belated installment that had to be restarted two times (seriously writer's block why did you hit when I had nothing to do?!):
> 
> the Resistance being in doubt™, space politics becoming a thing, Rey learning an interesting(?) fact, Poe deciding to do his mission Rouge One style and a cameo from a fabulous cape-wearer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge (or rather GIGANTIC) thank you to [Hartmannclan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hartmannclan/pseuds/Hartmannclan), for jumping in and offering to beta this thing (I feel like a proper fan fic writer now xD). Seriously this chapter was a struggle and it would not have worked out like this without you! <3
> 
> Plus if you, dearest reader, are in search of a fic with fluff (... who isn't these days?) and a regular update-schedule (two things I cannot offer you for my project in the near future *grins nervously*), you should check out her fic [love's mystery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23602120/chapters/56637289)!
> 
> It has Modern AU adorablness, devoted single dad!Ben who hates parties, personal assistant Phasma throwing shade at him, Rose being a supportive bean, Rey + a buffet and of course most importantly: a MASQUERADE MEET-CUTE (with awesome costume choices, sooo what is your excuse for not to checking it out!?)

* * *

Rey is only half listening to Poe’s third attempt at convincing high command of his so called plan. The the admirals are questioning the reliability of the spy, and call Poe’s measures too drastic for what little information they are built upon. He reminds them that they are fighting to restore hope, and eventually tear down the First Order restoring the Republic.

She still does not understand how blowing something up could require so much planning, thinking and arguing. She sits back and says nothing while Rose and Finn take turns, jumping in to support Poe’s arguments. Frustration rolls off of him like waves.

Rey turns her head to Leia who watches the room with cold indifference, confidence drawn around her like armor.

She is reading the room, Rey realizes and reaches out with her feelings.

_Fear._

_Confusion._

_Uncertainty._

They are questioning the very existence of the cause.

Finn has started to explain the unique situation of troops deserting, when one of the Vice Admirals speaks up, “If that is the case, shouldn’t we just wait and let the New Empire crumble from the inside?“

“Oh don’t call it that,“ Poe pushes out between clenched teeth, now absolutely done with the discussion going back and forth without any conclusion, “It is all still First Order.“

“Tell that to the billions of civilians and the hundreds of planets that have allied themselves with them,“ a Lieutenant yells, and earns a few encouraging murmurs from around the room.

“So what? We just stop fighting?“ Poe raises his voice, frustrated, staring down the Lieutenant,“Let them win the war?!“

“Open your eyes, Commander, this is no longer a war. They have won!“ another Vice Admiral exclaims.

Before Poe can say anything else Leia raises a hand, silencing him, “I agree Vice Admiral Resdox,“ she turns towards the rest of the room, “Yes, the hour seems dark, but we are all that the galaxy has left of hope.“

“ _Empty_ hope, General, we don’t even know what we are fighting against anymore,“ Resdox replies. Another surge of murmurs breaks loose but the room falls silent again as Leia speaks once more. She is using the Force, Rey realizes, in such a subtle way one might miss it, if they are not looking for it.

“We are fighting the same thing we always have, the same thing the Rebellion fought; oppression. We are here because we believe in freedom.“

“Explain that to the slaves in the Western Reaches,“ someone scoffs from near the wall.

The Western Reaches? Rey looks up. Last thing she knew the First Order was still in the midst of conquering half of it. She looks over towards Leia, who squares her shoulders, the look on her face as if she is about to march into battle.

Rey turns to Lieutenant Connix next to her, “What happened in the Western Reaches?“

One of Poe’s pilots chimes in, “I think what everyone is wondering about, General, is what is supposed to come after this fight is over. If we will just go back to how it was before. The New Empire now seems to excel at things the Republic failed at—“

„—rather overlooked,“ another voice sneers, the man it belongs to looks over to Rey before adding, „Not all slaves have the the luxury to be a _Jedi,“_ he spits the word like it is poison.

Rey wants to retort that she was a _scavenger_ , not a slave. But the conversation has already moved on, the room a buzzing chaos of whispers, that do not help Rey in her confusion.

_Does she not know?_

_Every channel on the holonet had a report about it._

_It’s been in the works for months, how has she not heard of it?_

Rey elbows Connix, repeating her question, “ _What_ happened in the Western Reaches?“

Connix takes a deep breath, before whispering, “The First Order has started a campaign to ban child labour and slavery. This led to most of the planets surrendering to them, making it possible for them to take most of the Inner Rim.“ she pauses for a moment. “They began on your home planet.“

Jakku was not her home planet, Rey wanted to interject, but the room has fallen silent during her exchange with Connix and all eyes turned towards her.

Why would they do that?

Jakku holds nothing of value, except the remnants of an old war now stripped of all essential parts. They could have waltzed in there and most of the planets would have surrendered, they could have kept the slaves, could have collected them for ship manufacturing but instead…

Rey’s thoughts are running wild.

“Are you keeping secrets from the rest of us too, General?“ someone shouts and the room erupts into chaos.

Rey is still puzzled. She cannot imagine any of First Order high command caring about the lives of the most downtrodden individuals the galaxy has to offer, especially when it brings them into direct conflict with their owners and sellers.

_There is one reason_ , but Rey shakes her head at it.

_We can bring a new order to the galaxy._

Her thoughts turn to the children climbing the smallest spaces in Star Destroyers, only to be left to die among the wreckages. Just a few made it, either too valuable to be left to die or too stubborn to simply lie down among the dunes and accept their fate. She still does not know to this day to which group she had belonged.

But now there would be no more.

The thundering of the debate around her feels suddenly very far away and Rey decides she has had enough of it.

_Why did they not tell her?_

_Did they have so little trust in her that they believed she would just run away to the next backwater planet when she learned about it?_

_Did they think she was that sentimental about her old life?_

Rey makes for the exit, she needs some space to think.

* * *

Finn watches her go and quickly looks over to Poe, still deep in debate with some of his pilots, and then to Rose who sends him a look and gestures to the door Rey just went through.

He leaves Poe to his discussion and follows Rey. Or rather the roaring whirlwind of emotion she leaves behind.

He looses her among the tree line, walking deeper into the jungle before registering a quiet “here.“

He looks up and finds her sitting on a tree branch overlooking this side of the base, with a porg in her lap that does not seem to be there by choice. It must be Mady. She really is not fond of being petted or cuddled or touched at all, according to Rose.

He climbs up and sits down next to her.

“I thought you hated them,“ Finn finally remarks gesturing to Mady, who is flapping her wings trying to escape from Rey’s grip. She looks down, realization washing over her features as she loosens her grip on the porg.

“Why did no one tell me?“ she whispers after it has flown off into the distance.

“I don’t know,“ he admits, “Leia said something being a difficult situation for you because of how you grew up and…“ Finn trails off. They sit next to each other in silence for a moment.

“I thought maybe she wanted to tell you later, in person or something.“

Rey sighs. There is conflict boiling under her skin, Finn notices, as if she is debating whether to say something or not.

“It’s a weird thing, Hux never did strike me as a very charitable person,“ he jokes, trying to loosen the mood.

„It’s not Hux, who got that through,“ Rey murmurs seemingly lost in thought.

Finn wants to crack a joke about Ren discovering his humanity, but Poe breaks through the undergrowth searching, „Finn?“

„Up here,“ he replies grinning at him, before pointing at Rey, „found the Jedi.“

She rolls her eyes.

“Sorry to interrupt your…“ he makes a weird gesture with his hand, “…whatever.“

Finn raises an eyebrow at him, Poe knows he and Rey are friends, so why is he acting so strange now.

“Anyways we have to go,“ Poe declares as Rey makes her way down the tree and Finn follows, much slower.

“Where to?“

“Kuat.“

Finn is confused, “Did the admirals approve?“

“No, but we are going anyway. A few of my pilots, Connix and some of Rose’s engineer corps are with us. Now go get your stuff and meet me in 5 minutes at the north landing pad.“

“But the Falcon is-“

„We’re not taking the Falcon, now go!“

They both stare at him, speechless for a moment, and then take off towards their respective quarters.

* * *

When Rey bursts into their room, Rose is already packing her things into a bag. She looks up at Rey flashing her a quick smile, "So he found you, great."

Rey merely nods and quickly stuffs her few belongings into a similar bag. She is done by the time Rose shoulders her’s, asking, "Ready?"

Rey touches the lightsaber at her hip and then nods.

They quickly make their way towards the north landing pad, deserted at this time of the day.

The rest of their small team is already loading an unfamiliar ship. Poe is deep in conversation with Chewie and an older man, who is dressed in an elaborate cape, that is artfully draped over one shoulder.

As they draw nearer, Chewie lets out a greeting roar and Rey sends a smile his way. That is also the moment Poe registers them and waves them over, "Rose, Rey, this is Lando Calrissian," he introduces the other man, next to Chewie. "General these are Rose, the head of our engineering corps and Rey-"

"The last Jedi," the older man sends her a smile and shakes her hand, "I heard a lot about you, you found Luke," then he turns to Rose, "And you are the one that developed the cloaking tech?"

She nods, "Yes, General."

He nonchalantly waves it off, "It’s an outdated title from Rebellion times. I am only here to help an old friend."

"Old, huh?" Leia’s voice appears behind them and she raises an eyebrow at Calrissian as she comes closer.

He grins and bows, "And still as beautiful as always."

Leia smiles at him, "How have you been?"

"Ah you know, busy," he pauses before adding in a graver voice, "I wanted to come earlier when I heard about Han."

"We needed you where you were," Leia tells him, before looking around and addressing Rose, Poe and Rey, "You should get your things inside."

They quickly oblige, but Rey trails a little behind.

"So it is true?" Calrissian whispers, "The rumors, that he killed his own father?"

"We should talk somewhere more private, when they have taken off," Leia tells him.

Rey furrows her eyebrows, at the memory that surfaces in her mind. The same man she just met, but years younger, arms wide open and a huge smile on his face. A toddler exclaiming "unca wanwo" before being engulfed in the man’s arms.

Rey flinches as Rose touches her shoulder, "Hey, are you okay?"

She nods, "Yes sorry." She looks back at the now empty landing pad and wonders not for the first time what it must be like to have a family.

\---

It takes Rey forever to fall asleep. She is still mad at Poe for ushering her out of the cockpit, after she tried to make herself useful. And then there is of course Ben. They way his toddler self had called Calrissian uncle and what his present self has done in the Western Regions.

It is irrational, the tiny part of her that claims he did it for her. _It was just to gain sympathy_ , she tells herself, _it got them most of the Inner Rim after all._ It has nothing to do with her. She knows that. There is no use for letting herself hope, she is on a mission now. No more late night walks among the trees, no more wondering about what-ifs and futures that will never be. She has to focus. Her friends depend on her. Her family.

And still she feels hollow. She should not. Rey should be sleeping, not tossing and turning and replaying the memory of his hand reaching out.

But she does, it is maddening and it makes her angry for no reason.

If he had just come with her.

If he had not blocked her out for months.

Rey finally decides to get up, rest be damned, even if she might need it once they make it to Kuat. She sneaks out of the crew quarters, which had previously had been repurposed to function as a closet. Even after Calrissian had hastily cleared his ship for them, they had found one or two capes tucked away in a corner.

Everyone around her is sleeping, only a few people are still up, mainly Poe and his co-pilot as well as Connix and two of Rose’s engineers.

She slips past them with ease and makes for a small viewport in the corner, watching the never-ending blue hues of hyperspace. And every once in a while the planets that pop up before her, as they jump back to realspace to recalculate their route.

She cannot tell when exactly the sound of the ships engine muffles her thought, but somewhere around the Noonian sector she finally falls asleep.

\---

_At first Rey thinks it is the same dream again._

_But there is water and earth beneath her feet, life emerging between decay, an island she has seen before, a battle won._

Look what could be.

_There is calm and comfort and the promise of peace. The breeze is soft-_

_-like her mother’s palm caressing her face, the only thing she remembers of her parents before she touches a saber hidden in a castle and sees them leaving her again._

_She cannot remember their faces or their voices, only her mother’s hands, callused from work._

_She wants to look at them just one more time. To have faces to say good-bye to._

_Why does her memory not let her see-_

_-my parents", she begs the place that promised answers. She comes up only with a reflection of herself and she is left drenched in a cave, alone-_

_-She wakes alone, in the snow. Slowly registering the sound of battle in the distance. Finn falls. The saber falls and Rey has no idea what she is doing but she reaches out and then_ he _reaches out. When the saber moves she is filled with panic but then is flies into her palm and she stares at it, something forged out of fairy tales, a_ myth _-_

_-tells her that she has it all wrong, as if she has nothing to show for all her years of fighting. Still she wants to learn. She has to, to save her friends and the galaxy, every planet that is there to imagine-_

_-"You imagine an ocean." What is he doing, rummaging through her head as if it were an old ship with only a few spare parts left to scavenge._

_"I see the island." He has to get out of her head, he-_

_-is there and when his palm grazes hers, she is so sure she found the answer to everything. She sees them fighting side by side-_

_-he is right behind her._

_Snoke’s guard’s never stood a chance, they are a whirlwind of raw power, tearing everything apart that makes the mistake of standing in their way._

_Neither of them alone._

_The future is suddenly a bright thing._

_Look who they could be,-_

_-who is he?_

_Whispering,_ It is you _, like he knows her._

_Offering to teach her._

_She has been fighting all her life, she has been winning all her life, otherwise she would not be here._

_He learns it, like all the others, the hard way. She cuts him down, face slashed open and some part of her croons,_ kill him.

_It would be so easy._

_So quick._

_For a moment the whole universe hangs in balance, for a moment she is master of it all._

_Then the Falcon appears and she runs-_

_-she is always running. But there is no time for contemplating that, the Resistance needs her help, after Luke dies she is all that is left of a thousand generations. She claims the role of a Jedi and buries herself in books._

_The smiles she flashes her friends are hollow and dull-_

_-the smile on his face is the brightest thing she has ever seen, he approaches her, eyes soft-_

_-eyes blazing, it scares her, the determination on his face, she reminds him of the fleet and he turns to his slain master, cut in two._

_He talks about leaving the past to die and it feels like the very future she has seen is slipping through her fingers._

_Every part of her existence is screaming to reach out, to grab what fate is offering her of belonging and never let it go._

_It’s the hardest choice she has made so far._

_She does not reach for him, but the weapon, she declines peace and reaches for war._

_And fate laughs at her, saber stuck in midair-_

_-she buries it in bodies without faces. She whirls around finally meeting his blade, still fiery, shrieking, broken; a shell like him._

_The planet around them a mirror of the violence within her, waves crushing, starships raining. They are doom and damnation and she gets drunk on it._

_They are surrounded by corpses and-_

_-flowers, as many as there are stars in the sky, the wind carries laughter with it and she finally understands what happiness is meant to feel like, his face lights up with a smile and when his fingers interlace with hers she remembers the dreams of a little girl when starvation burrowed it’s claws into her stomach before falling asleep-_

_-she marks every day, before she closes her eyes or directly after she comes home._ They will be back _, she reminds herself as she reaches for-_

_-the ship quickly growing smaller and smaller. She is sobbing, tears evaporating in the heat of the dessert_

Come back _, she cries and she is so angry, so hurt; she does not want to be alone._

Come back _, the breeze carries a desperate plea-_

_-the storm carries a battle cry._

_This ends now, no more wars. She is tired of fighting, she wants to shed the violence of the past with the name she has given herself. If they are all so keen on continuing, she will make them stop._

_It is for a bigger cause, it is for peace, it is for happiness._

_It is sweeter than anything she has ever tasted._

Look what could be-

-you could rescue them from themselves.

_She does not recognize the planet,_ no _, the moon. Covered with rolling hills and oceans ever churning, but there are coordinates piercing the back of her mind._

_The universe is offering her an answer._ Child from nowhere, scavenger, last of the Jedi can you bring them what they always prayed for?

_The breeze is soft, there are plants and creatures and life._

_And she is a part of it all._

_She is in paradise and all the angels cry out and beg her to save them._

* * *

Somewhere on a transport, a few parsecs away from Coruscant, Kylo Ren opens his eyes. The caress of an ocean breeze burned into his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more or less interesting things and lore:
> 
> \- [Resdox](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Resdox) is actually a Resistance dude from TROS  
> \- the [Western Reaches](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Western_Reaches)  
> \- the _unca wanwo_ memoriy (aka toddler Ben being adorbs) is from Last Shot  
> \- the part in Rey's dream where she is contemplating killing Kylo/Ben is me trying to incorporate a the Force Awakens novelisation thing


End file.
